Being married only 6 years, I can still remember the days of uninterrupted conversations. The days before marriage, kids and more weighted responsibilities, when communication about hopes and dreams was easy, without consequence and wide open to possibility. Fast forward 6 years and we now have all sorts of considerations when “dreaming”. We have kids and callings, financial responsibilities we didn’t have when dating, and if we’re truthful – less energy than we had then too. But, even in all of that, when I think of how I can best love my husband, one of the greatest ways I know how is to not only allow him to dream, but to encourage him to do so.
When we met our men, most of them had responsibilities, but not the kind that we added to the table. There weren’t homes and humans to take care of the way there are now, and a calling may have seemed more like promises of God yet to be fulfilled instead of positions of weight that need help bearing. Marriage changes things – beautifully, but also bountifully in weight of responsibility and resources. In that day-in-day-out provision and pursuit of purpose, dreams seem to drift off to places we rarely visit, and If we’re honest as wives – sometimes we’d prefer it that way.
“He doesn’t have time like he used to have.” “We’re different people than we used to be.” “Dreams change as life changes.”…. All good and even truthful statements, but none change the fact that your husband was created to dream. You, my dear, were created to dream – to look past your current self and see a world that you can change, see goals that you have yet to accomplish and things that your creator birthed in your soul before you were birthed into this world.
Dreams change lives – take Joseph for instance. A scary, but oh so accurate depiction of what it takes sometimes to dream – difficult steps forward, desperate situations BUT THEN – finally, the realization of the very thing God placed in your heart and soul all that time ago. The fulfillment of His heart for yours.
So, what does that look like now, to dream again when reality has become so comfortable and so satisfying that you’d rather stay tuned to that station? Start the conversation. Remind yourself of all the dreams you spoke about “back when”, the dreams that have laid dormant in your own heart due to lack of time, lack of energy, lack of encouragement. Bring those to life again, and ask him about his, and when he does answer, encourage him in the steps it’ll take to accomplish them. Not just in one conversation, but in daily reminders, in out of the blue surprises that remind him you see him – all of him. Past him who had a head and heart full of ideas, passions and drive…the present him who may have sacrificed and set aside all of those things to provide and create security…and the future him who you know has more to give than this. Be the wife who champions his heart for more.
John Eldredge, in the book “Wild at Heart”, says this of men – “Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” You lovely lady, have already been rescued, now cheer him on, stand with him and check off the other two together!